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"My wife laughed again, continued her dinner and dismissed me as soon as Ihad finished cleaning up.But the next evening she came home and pasted a small, black and whitesign on every window of the house, facing out. "Piano lessons: Tuesday,Thursday, and Saturday, 4 pm" and there was a phone number."Madame Beringer, we do not give piano lessons, we do not own a piano,and that is not our phone number," I protested.She laughed.But the following Tuesday I was dismissed early from my job and orderedto be home by 3:30 pm. At 4 pm exactly, my wife made me stand in theliving room next to the window. She ordered me to undress. Completelystrip. She handed me a razor and a can of shaving foam. "Shave, sissy,shave. I don't want to see a single body hair on you, ever again. Legs,arms, armpits, chest, crotch: every hair comes off and stays off."I protested, "Madame Beringer, here in front of the window? All of Pariscan see me. Please?"She slapped my ass really hard, something she had never done. Sugar stood rapidly and stuck out her tongue good naturedly at her older sibling. The girls gathered around me again, and the Judge tried to continue with his speech."Gentelmen, gentlemen," he said with both hands raised to the cheering group.Slowly the crowd regained their decorum."Gentelmen. We have approximately fifty five hours until seven pm Monday evening to celebrate the Hastings good fortune. You have received the guidelines as to what is expected of you when you got your invitation. I want to remind you to drink responsibly. If you get sloppy drunk you will be confined in the dog's pen until you sober up then you will be escorted off the premises, also no fighting period. Physical altercations will be dealt with severely and no photographs are to be taken. If you are caught with a camera, cell phone or other device capable of taking pictures the offending item will be confiscated and your welcome here will be revoked. I need not remind you that any infringement of these.
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